You've gotta have faith, Baby!

You’ve gotta have faith!

I can't seem to lose George Michael from my head this morning, and maybe that is no bad thing. He has chosen an appropriate song to prod me into a little self-belief as I have been suffering from a fit of anxiety over "my brilliant career". On Saturday, in response to a question about what I do, I answered, for the very first time. "I'm a writer." And now I am surely heading straight to hell for that huge great lie I told. Am I allowed to call myself a writer, when I am merely a student of writing?

I might spend most of my day with my laptop burning my knees, as I write, edit and try not to delete too much of what I have written, in order to justify my existence, but until I receive some form of payment for my writing, it feels very much like I am just an unemployed ex-Civil Servant with a very lonely hobby.

I know that the potential to earn a living from writing is not great. There are already two writers in my family, whose earnings are up and down like the weather, and sometimes fall perilously close to starvation levels. But at least they can call themselves writers without crossing their fingers behind their backs.

So I guess the question is, why am I doing this? My career is in a shambles as I have taken time off to study. An MA in professional writing is probably not an investment in the same way as my husband's recent career switch to become a social worker. He'll never be unemployed that’s for sure. But since I don't particularly care much about money I should be relaxed and happy that I am able to do what I love doing so much. I really must learn to get rid of this misguided guilt about not bringing home the bacon.

I wonder, what does anyone else think about their status as a writer? Because I am pretty sure that once you have nailed your own crisis of confidence about your ambition, then other people will take you more seriously. I am sure someone very wise and probably famous, but I forget who, said “If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.”

So, for the time being I am going to let George Michael stay in my head a little longer. I really do need faith.